I'm not going to pretend I learned all of this from a textbook first.
There was a point where I felt I was able to handle anything thrown at me then slowly through a series of events I found myself so disconnected I couldn't see much of a tomorrow. I ended up being medically retired from a job I had loved, and took over a year off work. The pain was so excruciating at points that I was doing anything I could to avoid feeling it.
I wasn't performing "fine" and quietly struggling underneath. There wasn't a mask left to wear I'd lost the strenght to even put that on anymore. I was properly down there — at the bottom of it — before anything started to shift.
It was only the unwavering support and connection from my partner that started to shift things. Seeing the version of myself that she could see, reflected back to me, gave me the strength to keep going, to seek help and find my way back to the version of me the people around me deserve.
Getting back up wasn't quick and it certainly wasn't clean. But along the way, I got curious about why any of it had played out the way it did — why I'd ended up carrying what I was carrying, why the strategies I'd leaned on had stopped working. And why I saw similar stories playing out in so many men around me.
That curiosity is what eventually led me into further studying psychological modalities, personal training, mental health first aid instructor training and combining this with a unique experince I'd developed through my own struggles and over 20 years of working in some of the most challenging environments. I then developed this into a system to help others and building the "Cavemen"
So this work is two things at once. It's what I've lived — genuinely been at the bottom and found my way back. And it's what I've trained in — the frameworks and tools as well as some ancient wisdom traditions, things that actually hold up when things get heavy.
I don't do this work looking down, or as the expert with all the answers. I do it having been down there myself, and knowing what it took to climb out.
These days I work with blokes one-on-one, run retreats, and host community catch-ups. I also work in schools with boys, and with businesses through accredited Mental Health First Aid training.
This isn't therapy, though it is therapeutic. It isn't hustle-culture coaching. It's what actually got me through — now built into something I can offer other blokes, so they don't have to go as low as I did before they start climbing.